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New Years Eve 2003…

What a year. Last year I went biking with my boys back in Annapolis, ended up d’RUNK and having a good time. Been in 3 different bike shops, 3 different houses, 2 different cities, and now here I am.

I’ve been talking about it with Kris and Ginger… mostly Ginger. How much the past year I’ve gone from heart broken, to rebounding from one girl to another, to another… till finally I gave up– only to find Kris. I’ve had hopes dashed, brought back up to only crash again. Dreams made and buried, only for new ones to be dreamt.

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Today is going to go by super slow. My mom is going to be here soon after work is over. I can’t wait… so damn excited. All the stress, problems and worries will be washed away for a couple days. Mum’s always have that affect on their kids. No matter what’s wrong, they can fix it. That and I know I’ll be spoiled when she’s here.

Trip she’s taking.. and that I’ve taken MANY MANY MANY times.

Only thing that is going to be difficult is I have to do inventory crap on New Years Eve (During the day.), and a couple nights this week/weekend to get everything done. So hopefully she’ll find something to do. During this visit, we also have to go and get my South Carolina license, and goto USC to apply for Spring ’05. I have no clue how I am going to shove everything in a week, but it will be fun.

On another note… this war just keeps dragging on… (I was told to blog about it) I wish I could say I don’t believe in it, but soemtimes a hard hand is whats needed. War, is a hard hand when it comes to countries being plain dumb.

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Me as a SouthPark character:)

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Christmas has come and gone here in SC. Though I rpobably won’t consider it gone till next week when my mom gets here.

It finally hit me today, It was my first christmas without my family. It’s the weirdest feeling I’ve had since I got down here. I never had that real home-sickness. Yet here I am, sad as I can be..two days after christmas.

I know things will pick up when my mom gets here Monday night, and I can’t wait for it. Haven’t seen her in 4 months. Too long, yet it’s not really that long if you think about years of life. I think as long as i don’t go 6 months at a time without seeing her, I’ll stay sane.

Today is when all these feelings kicked in, I think it was the worst day I’ve had during these holidays. Coming back to work this morning to hear all the stories about gifts they got. Time spent with loved ones, and family. I have no reason to be upset. I atleast was with Kris and not alone. There’s atleast family alive to miss, some don’t even have that. Guess I am being selfish, guess it’s time I need to be selfish for myself sometimes.

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Today I got to work a little bit early to try and clean up the mess Rubi left on the rug this weekend. Work went by pretty normally, Brian gave me my xmas bonus. Yeehaw, Brian ROCKS! I went down the street to Half-Moon Outfitters.

Bought this nice bag, Kelty Storm 3500 in Slate Blue.

Got a great deal on it. It’s not the highest end bag, but it fit me better than a Gregory (much better made bag.) It was also half the price. Good introductory bag to backpacking I think.

The next purchase will be for my puppy to get her used to bags. Jandd makes a small dog bag called the Kelev Dog Pack. It’s alot smaller than the Kelty one, and we carry them at work. She can get used to having something on her back before buying her the expensive one.

Kris and I are slowly planning a small trip in Janaury. Leave after work on Saturday and camp out that night, then go riding Sunday. I am excited, we both love the outdoors, and it’s something we can do together. Bonding time ya know?

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It’s 10am, don’t know why I’m up. Well yeh I do. Her name is Rubi and she’s gotta pee in the morning. I’m thinking of going back to sleep till 12 and than going to the Palmetto Trail to ride some. Gotta give the Fuel some love too.

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There’s this girl I know

She has the beauty of the rainbow

Eyes that sparkle like sapphires.

A smile which can light candles.

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Funny how you can remember the month, the day, and even the hour when you had your heart broken for the first time. I guess it’s hard to forget when your heart is shattered in pieces by lies and broken promises. Funny thing is, I wouldn’t change a thing. Who knows what the hell I would be doing right now if that part of my life hadn’t of ended. I’m happy where I am, even at it’s worst it’s still the best I could ever ask for.

It’s weird to look back on your past. Always a good thing, but non the less very weird. I see all the stupid mistakes I made, how much I gave up for those months of being in love. How many things I screwed up while being blind.

The thing that is the weirdest out of all this. Every love is different, and always changing. Ever since I got down here life has changed. My love for family, and distant friends has become deeper, yet less daily. I’m no longer surrounded by all my friends, and family. That love isn’t around me, holding me close. It’s there, but in a deeper sense. I know who my true friends are, and that no matter the distance my family is there. Also the love I am feeling for Kris is much stronger, and much deeper. (keep using that word) Looking back on what happened last year, it seems like I was on some unreal cloud. A very unhealthy cloud. Infatuation I guess. I will never deny the fact that it happened, or wish it hadn’t. I’m glad I’m not there anymore though.

Everything with Kris is well… not perfect. But it’s right. It’s how love should be. With problems, but nothing that can’t be solved. I know without her I am in pieces, but can survive if I need to. When I wake up to her it’s as if that’s where I belong, and no matter what she can put a smile on my face.

Guess that’s the difference between TRUE LOVE and being in love. Speaking of being in love.. I need to work on my half. Don’t think I’m doing everything right.

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Kris came home for the day today :) Surprised me at the buttcrack of dawn this AM. Awesome surprise, scared me because I didn’t know who was walking into my room. Good non the less. Around 10 we went to Harbison, first to get her phone fixed at Sprint, and then took Rubi to Harbison Forest for a walk. It was cute. I’ve missed her more than I thought.

Ended up not working at all. I decided I had to go in on my day off yesterday, I would take off the whole day today. I called around lunch time asking if they needed me, Michael said no, so I stayed home and cuddled!!!

Tonight I’m going to entertain some kids, aka Brian’s kids. While Brian and Susan go be a married couple for a couple hours. It should be fun, I’ll let you know how it goes. Oh and Kris is going with me for it.

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Ended up having to work today, and not being able to ride. Someone ended up being sick, so I had to fly in to rescue. The plus was all my crap came in today. My new frame, and new pads :) The frame is sweet, I was so tempted to build it up and ride tomorrow. But I’m going to wait to get the parts I want for it.

Gotta be smart and budget you know.

I’m waking up early to go riding, so I’m off to drink hot cocoa and sleep.